Sparkles in the Snow

Forever My Inspiration

By:  Meliha Radatz
10/13/2003

 SPLASH! I turn around to see my best friend Ailie in her black bikini. She emerges from the pond with her wet, long hair sparkling from the suns rays. She yells for me to join and I would except I’m scared of heights. I turn around and see this huge tree. The sight and the thought of climbing it, made me quiver. It sent chills causing goose bumps all over my body. Up and down the tree base are steps made of old ridged wood. When you reach the top of the tree there is a metal plank, and when you are standing on this plank there is a handle connected to a zip cord above you.

I was eighteen at the time, but younger children were sliding down it without any thought. Ailie was one of the few older kids who had been sliding. She approached me, smiled and said “Come on Mel I’ll go with you if it makes you feel better.” I felt pushed into the situation, all eyes were on me. I gave many excuses. I told them I didn’t feel well, that I couldn’t get my hair wet because I had to go out when leaving here. Ailie knew the truth. She looked at me and laughed.

After many minutes of pressuring me I finally gave in. Ailie started to climb up first, I followed. Each and every step I took my legs began to weaken. I looked down and everyone was looking up at me in disbelief. They all knew I was terrified of heights. I had secretly hoped that I could have snuck down and the only person that would have known would have been Ailie.  Nope I was doomed!

 We had finally reached the top of the plank. We decided that she would put her hands on the outside of the bar and mine on the inside. She then wrapped her little legs around me and began the count down. “1”…….my hands began to tighten. “2”….my fingers started to feel numb; I was hanging on for dear life! “3” we were off. The speed was so fast that I could feel my hair hitting my face. It almost felt like needles piercing my cheeks. Although the speed was incredible, it felt like eternity. Time seemed to stop. All I wanted to do was hurry and get off this terrifying thing.

Suddenly I felt Ailie let go; I knew it was my turn but my fingers felt like they were glued to the handle. My pulse began to quicken as though my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I scrunched my eyes shut, took a deep breath and miraculously let go. The pond was so cold but yet so refreshing. I felt a ton of relief. When I really thought about it, it wasn’t so bad. I actually liked the adrenaline rush. From that day forward I was never terrified of heights!

            Ailie and I had been friends for years. She had only been sixteen when her life was taken by God. She died three years ago in a tragic car accident. I will never forget that day and how it had such an impact on my life.

            We both went to the Croswell Learning Center. She had called me the night before the accident and made me promise to go to school the next day. Her mom had spent hundreds of dollars to get her hair permed, cut and highlighted and Ailie wanted me to see the end results!.

  Of course I promised, which I shouldn’t have because the next day I had come down with the flu. She was so excited for me to see her new hairdo! That morning I called her to let her know I wouldn’t be needing a ride and that I had been sick. Unfortunately her mom had already taken her to school. I finally called the school so I could tell Ailie that I wanted her to find a ride home early.

She was my best friend and I was really sick. I wanted her there by my side so I wouldn’t have to be alone in my misery. The teacher answered and said that Ailie had left with a couple of friends. I asked if she knew if Ailie had planned to return to school. She said that her books and purse were on her desk so she assumed that she would be back

Not even an hour after I had called I heard a stern knock at my door. As I slowly opened it I realized that all the kids from school were standing on my porch. I looked for Ailie but didn’t see her in the crowd. My friend Tricia grabbed me by the arm and told me to sit down, that she had some bad news to tell me. She said Ailie had been in a bad accident and that she was at Sandusky hospital.

My heart dropped. My eyes began to fill up with the hottest tears. With my eyes stinging, I grabbed my purse and jumped into the car. All I could think about was why hadn’t I went to school. I use to fight with her constantly about staying in school so that she and I could graduate on time. On the way there Tricia had told me that she was in critical condition and would be okay.

 I finally felt a little relief. Yeah, I was still upset, but I had hope. Like the ride on the zip cord, the ride to the hospital was excruciatingly long. When we finally got there I ran inside and found Ailie’s mother Bonnie. All she kept saying and asking me was “why did he take my baby girl?” At that point I was confused. I said to myself “she’ll be fine.” I thought to myself “don’t give up.” Bonnie realized that I didn’t know what had happened. She looked at me with this soft, warm face and said “Meliha, she’s gone.”

 I put my face in my hands and started to cry. I wanted to scream but my vocals wouldn’t let me. My body started to shake and my throat felt as though I had something lodged in it, I couldn’t breath. When I finally started to calm down she asked me if I wanted to see her one last time. I just wasn’t sure if I could go in to see her or not.  I felt like a zombie no emotions, like stone. There she was my best friend lying on the table. She looked so peaceful. At first I didn’t believe it; I couldn’t recognize her because of the swelling in her face and neck. I lifted the cloth and saw our tattoo that we had shared together a year ago on her right side of her stomach. It started to slowly sink in, she was gone.

            Ailie was the most spontaneous, bubbly person I had ever met. She looked past everyone’s flaws and made me realize that everyone has something better to offer. Before I had met her I never went to parties or after school activities, I was too shy. She, on the other hand, was a bouncing ball of sunshine always ready for what life gave her. She slowly opened me up.

 We complimented each other so well. I was the mother hen that constantly worried about her and made her realize that there are consequences to your actions. If we were at a party and her mom told us to be home at a certain time I was tapping my foot looking at the clock. She on the other hand, made me loosen up and become closer to the ones I love. I also learned patience because Ailie had A.D.H.D and she was always bouncing off the walls, but she did it in such a funny way that it never bothered me. I wrote a poem about her.  It also expresses my feelings.

My Angel of 16

I lost an angel of 16

She was my friend, my joy, my everything.

Her continuous smile so big, her eyes so bright.

Why did God have to take away such a beautiful sight?

Such laughter arose when Ailie was around.

Now I listen, not a single sound.

Now that it has hit me

She’s lying in peace,

I ask God, “Give me a chance to talk to her please.

If only I could have held her and told her that I cared

I would have told her I cherished the time that we shared.

I wish we could go back to the hour long talks we had.

I wish I could have been by her side at that time so sad.

If only I had went to school that day

Maybe I could have convinced her, told her to stay

I wish we could have spent more days and time

But never will the memories be lost in

This broken heart of mine.

I can only wish, and wishes don’t come true,

I only wait and ponder the next time I’ll see you.

So goodbye my Smiley

I promise I’ll see you some day.

Smile down on me, keep me safe

And for you I’ll always pray.

I had never had anyone close to me pass, so this was a learning experience for me and showed me that I could cope with tragedy. Her death made me realize I have to cherish life and the people around me. When you are young, life seems forever. You never imagine someone close to you leaving so suddenly. Although she is gone I often find myself thinking as she would. I know she is with me each day. While coping with the death of Ailie her mother is always giving me little trinkets. She gave me a prayer card that almost seems to answer my poem.

I’m There Inside Your Heart

Right now I’m in a different place,

and though we seem apart,

I’m closer than I ever was…

I’m there inside your heart.

I’m with you when you greet each day

And while the sun shines bright,

I’m there to share the sunsets, too…

I’m with you every night.

I’m with you when the times are good,

To share a laugh or two,

And if a tear should start to fall…

I’ll still be there for you.

And when that day arrives

That we no longer are apart,

I’ll smile and hold you close to me..

Forever in my heart.

Well Bonnie, where do I start....

I met Ailie in 6th grade at Fort Gratiot Middle School.  We had a mutual
friend named Crystal, and that is how we met. 

Growing up, I had alot of family problems.   My mother is in Hawaii and my father was a drug addict.  I was constantly running away from home.  My father had beaten me the night before.  I was telling my friend Crystal what had happened and Ailie was standing there.  She told me everything would be okay.  She introduced herself and said that if I ever needed anything that I could call her and she  gave me her number.

My father continued to do drugs and take out his anger on me.  Ailie was the type of person you could not lie to.  She knew things at home were getting worse.  One day, Ailie said, "Danielle, you are coming home with me!"  I said, "Ailie, what will your parents say?"  Well, she had already asked her mom and her mom had told her no because she thought my parents would worry. She did not know what my situation was at home.  Ailie said she had an idea!  That girl always came up with something!.

She said to come on, so after school I got on her bus and that is when the adventure began!  We got off the bus and we went to Crystal's.  We stayed there for awhile and then Ailie called her brother Cody, and told him we would be needing his help.   After we met, Cody and I started to like each other.  Wow, what a mess! 

That night I snuck into the house through her bedroom window and we had a good ole' time!  We stayed up and gossiped.  We had to be quiet tho!  We didn't want Bonnie to find out anything.

Well, our plan was for me to sleep under Ailie's bed.  We were about  to go to bed and Cody knocked on Ailie's window.  He wanted me to sleep in his room cause no one ever went into his room.  Ailie said "NO WAY".  She was quite bossy but in a nice way!  I slept under her bed.  I stayed there for a week. Her parents never found out until after! 

You know, people with heart are hard to come by.  Ailie was one of a kind.  We clicked immediately, you know?  I only got to talk to her once after she moved to Croswell. 

I know Ailie is in heaven watching down saying, "Long time no see!"  She was my girl and my hommie.  I'm lucky she had a big heart or she would have never been in my life!

I love ya girl!

Danielle Navarre

 ASHLEY HOUSE wrote
My name is Ashley and I am a former student from cros-lex until i moved last year. i am 17 and i knew your daughter but not well. from  what i had seen she was a wonderful person. i have to say i am in  the same boat she was i am a very talented person but me and school ha that is a joke i can't understand it that is why i am not  attending any longer and i know how much i regret it already. what i thought you should know is that i think it is wonderful what you are doing and to keep up the work. it is great to see a mother reaching out and devoteing her time to other students who need the time well spent with them. you are a great person. ailie would and is very proud.

 sincerly,
 ashley maria house

5/16/03

By:  Jessica McLaughlin

Like an angel, so beautiful and true 

A free spirit among the crowd 

A smiling face, sparkling with love.

Dedicated To Ailie Anna Amalia Pearson Deceased March 2nd 2001 

I am so happy to hear that you have everything up and running well. I really appreciate the news letter.

 I don't know if you know but I am in the Air Force now, and am living in Tucson,  otherwise you know I would be more than happy to come to the meetings. I hope everything works out for you guys, and I will try my hardest to make it home for Smiley's Day. If there is anything at all that I can help you guys with please let me know, and I will try my hardest. You all have a really positive attitude about everything that has happened to you, and I am so glad that god put such good hearted people like you on this earth. I wish you the very best and will keep in contact. 

I love you guys

love,

Victoria Rogers

On December 18, I received an email from someone I have never met before.  I have a personal web page on the internet where I have posted my poetry,

 http://www.greatlakes.net/~lillyann 

and pages from my journal, and this person wrote:

It is strange fate that brings me to write this, for I type in 'I am lonely' on google and it brings me to your site and in fact, your poetry. I find myself in amazement that there should be such a clear reflection of my life in words that I have not yet expressed.

 thanks

 steve

I replied to his email with thanks that he enjoyed  my thoughts and feelings, and expressed the fact that my heart now lies with www.smileysday.com and I asked him to visit my thoughts there.  

He emailed me again today, and I cannot tell you how moved I was by THIS email from him: I MUST know this man...and I will try to find him..

I thanked him for the gift he had given me....knowing that my words, my poetry had meant something to him...and that he enjoyed it...and he wrote.....

But it is you, who has given the gift...

I never intended to write you again for I never intended to hear back from you. Yet here I am. I am no poet so I'm afraid you shall have to cope with my usual format. 

My resolve to keep my silence was shattered when I read about Ailie and here I sit writing a letter to an unknown heart, expressing emotions I myself  have trouble coming to terms with. 

In its simplest form, I want to express my most heart-felt sympathy for you, your family and friends for your loss. That is in its simplest form. Now comes the true feelings, the ones I wish I could express more fully. I thought I'd write a biography on who I am so that you might know from where this comes, but it occurred to me as I drove around the northern Wisconsin backroads, searching for hidden answers as the snow began to make the roads white, that who I am is not important. So I'll simply speak my mind and fade away into the shadows.

 As I read about Ailie, I feel as though I have lost something great and wonderful, though I have never laid eyes on her in my life. She seems to have been a tremendously and wholly beautiful person, the kind of person that made the world brighter for every day she walked on it and in fact, continues to shine her light on the world after her passing.

 I feel lost for having missed her light, I feel sad for having failed her, and I feel cold for having to live on knowing that she does not.

 Though I never knew her, I feel like I do. And I say this to you now:

 If I could have been there to protect her, I would have. 

If I could have died for her, then I would have offered my life, I would have traded places in an instant. 

And if the Lord would take me now so that she could live on, I am ready to willingly pay that price. 

But even the angels can not undo what has already been done, though I wish I could. 

Clearly, she was a better person than I and the world would certainly be better with her than with me.

 I grieve for you. It is said that the flame that burns brightest, burns shortest. Thank you for letting me share in her memory. 

stephan

Dear Bonnie, 

This poem doesn't rhyme.... I guess to rhyme would make sense of it all; make it "neat" and in order. I don't feel that way about death, usually. Death is the Enemy and I fight against it every week in my job. So, this poem doesn't rhyme. Hope you like it, non-the-less. Love, Cindy 

A Poem to Ailie, 

I wish I could have known you 

the way you were before.

 Not the cold and helpless child 

I knelt beside that day.

 Your eyes looked up so pleading 

as you lay upon the snow. 

I asked you what your name was

 and you answered to my surprise.

 Your friends and brother were crying;

 concern and fear surrounded.

 I could not let you know then,

 how fearful I was too.

 I had seen death's colors before this 

and knew it's awful hue. 

The colors of your face and lips 

said things I didn't want to know.

My partner and I fought against "the Beast" 

that would separate you from us. 

We worked to move you safely 

and combat what we must.

 I saw the fear in your eyes 

and in your trembling voice.

 I worked to reassure you; 

"Don't be afraid, we're here to help". 

But no matter what we did 

it didn't help at all - 

you slipped into unconsciousness 

and "the Beast" won the war. 

I wished that I had known you 

the way you were before;

 and not the cold and helpless child

 that changed my life that day. 

Sincerely, The Medic

Cindy Peterson (The EMS Tech in the ambulance with Ailie)

December 16, 2002

 Hi Bonnie!

  It's been a long time since we have talked

 to each other. I remember the first time we met. 

Paul told me that you were a 300 LB wrestler and

that you could pin me in a heart beat. He looked me

 in the eye and I thought he was serious. When I walked

 in your front door and I saw you I didn't know what to

 say. (Bonnie was about 120 lbs at that time!)

I have been in touch with Paul on and off since

 you five left Denver, in 1984 or 1985. Time goes so

 fast. I think back and it seems like yesterday that

 we met and we were all in our own little world in Denver.

 I still remember when you and Bobbie were pregnant

with Crystal in March, then Ailie in May 1984. We were

all very proud parents. Paul was so happy he had a girl.

 I was so sad to see your family leave and one of my

 best friends leave also. I still remember the vacation

 that you guys took to Colorado and came to our house

 to visit. It was cool seeing all of you again. Bobbie

said she remembers Ailie at about 8 years old then, and she

was on her hands and knees pretending to be a (dog) and

she would crawl up to me.

We are all fine here in Aurora.  Crystal is 18 now and going

 to college at Fort Collins at CSU and Tyler is 15 a

sophomore in high school and loving the social life and

 Jordan is 13 at Christmas, our Christmas baby, our live wire.

Love you all

Sal & Bobbie Serbin & Crystal, Tyler & Jordan

Aurora, Colorado

December 11, 2002

To Bonnie:

From: Paul Pearson - Ailie's Dad

Thank you for all you have done in tribute to our daughter on her web site. What a lovely memorial! You have opened your heart up so that others could look in and see..not only Ailie Anna...but also Jason Matthew! They were both kind, loving spirits that somehow made people who met them... happy! I remember the story you wrote to me about the shinny penny! You told me that when ever I found a shinny penny...it was from Ailie...letting me know that she was there with me....and that she was alright!

  There have been numerous things that have happened to me since she went to sleep. I say "went to sleep" because this is how the apostles of Christ referred to Christians who were followers of Jesus, who had died. 

On Dec. 4th, 2002, while at work, I was walking from one building to another thru the snow and I saw something glistening in the snow and I  walked over to see what is was, and found a bright shinny penny. I picked it up and said, "thank you Ailie...for thinking of me!" Later that day as I arrived home and settled in for the evening, I was watching EWTN on TV, and became emotional...and began to cry ...which I generally try to control in public....IF I can! But, apparently I needed the release of emotions that sometimes consume me to a point. As I  endured this most unpleasant emotional state of being...I looked around my living room to gain composure, I saw something  glittering on the rug near my coffee table! Even as I bent down to see what it was (because of past experiences...I've learned to check things out) I knew...and I picked up a little silver moon...the kind Ailie carried around with her to spread warmth and joy to ones she cared about! And, she was telling me ...she is alright, and is there with me! It gave me a sad...yet great joy, and a feeling of peace!

   Later in the evening, I felt the need to express my feeling somehow some way. I have gained a knowledge since the passing of our children..that almost all of the people express their sorrow to the mother. The mother will carry these babies in their bodies for the length of the pregnancy, and will go thru the traumatic experience of delivering these babies. I understand the importance of these events. I know that they are the beginnings of life...and women are essential in this process. But, males do not carry babies for nine months in their bodies. That does not make us less a partner, contributor, or as important in the process of our baby's birth. I think that is what bothered me in the ordeal in Sandusky before the judge, who seemed to imply that "out of date...pure nonsense attitude" that has plagued men for years now! We can't do anything about the laws of nature. Yet, we are just important as the mother in the fact of our children's being.

   I am sorrowful in the fact that I wasn't able to see my children's lives come full circle...and my being a participant in those events...and in their lives on an everyday occurrence. I regret that faucet in my life. I have to deal with our decisions and their aftermath. And, I will!

   Anyhow..Dear One...this is what I wrote during this time in my life that seemed to convey my inner emotions for both our children.

   "Where are you?"...he shouted so loudly, that the oceans became so agitated that they began to crash upon the shore in a Hell bent fury!

   "Where are you?"....he began to wail into the darkness so much so that lightning began to streak across the skies, and began to strike the earth enraged!

   "Where are you?"...he said in a soft, sad voice...that made the mountains begin to weep!

   "Where are you?'...he whispered.................

This note came to my email today from Cindy Peterson, the EMS tech that was in the ambulance with Ailie.  Ailie was awake and alert when Cindy was with her, up until the time she fell asleep.  Cindy and I have become the best of friends and I am grateful to God that SHE was the one to be with my baby when she lost consciousness.  I love you Cindy...

Bonnie

I thought of you today when I read this from my friend
in email. Thought maybe that it would help you through
this holiday season when (more than ever) we miss our
loved ones separated from us. 

Love,  Cindy

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come
out of the operating room. She said, "How is my little
boy? Is he going to be O.K.? When 
can I see him?" The surgeon said, "I'm sorry, we did
all we could."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer,
doesn't GOD care anymore? GOD, where were you when my
son needed you?"

The surgeon said, "One of the nurses will be out in a
few minutes to let you spend time with your son's
remains before it's transported to the university."
Sally asked that the nurse stay with her while she
said good-bye to her son.

Sally ran her fingers through his thick red curly
hair. The nurse said, "Would you like a lock of his
hair?" Sally nodded yes. 
The nurse cut a lock of his hair and put it in a
plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

Sally said, "It was Jimmy's idea to give his body to
the university for study. He said it might help
somebody else," and that is what he wanted. I 
said, no at first, but Jimmy said, "Mom I won't be
using it after I die, and maybe it will help some
other little boy to be able to spend one more day with
his mother."
Sally said, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold, always
thinking of someone else and always wanting to help
others if he could."

Sally walked out of the Children's Hospital for the
last time after spending most of the last 6 months
there. She sat the bag with Jimmy's things in it on
the seat beside of her in the car. The drive home was 
hard and it was even harder to go into an empty house.
She took the bag to Jimmy's room and started placing
the model cars and things back in his room 
exactly where he always kept them.

She laid down across his bed and cried herself to
sleep holding his pillow. 
Sally woke up about midnight. Laying beside of her on
the bed, was a letter folded up. She opened the
letter, it said:

Dear Mom:
I know your going to miss me, but don't think that I
will ever forget you or stop loving you because I'm
not around to say I LOVE YOU. I'll think of you every
day Mom and I'll love you even more each day.
Someday we will see each other again. 
If you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so
lonely, he can have my room and my old stuff to play
with. If you decide to get a girl instead, she
probably wouldn't like the same things as us boys do,
so you will have to buy her dolls and stuff girls
like.

Don't be sad when you think about me, this is really a
great place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I
got here and showed me around some, but it 
will take a long time to see everything here. The
angels are so friendly, I love to watch them fly.

Jesus doesn't look like any of the pictures I saw of
Him, but I knew it was Him as soon as I saw Him. Jesus
took me to see GOD! And guess what Mom? I 
got to sit on GOD'S knee and talk to Him like I was
somebody important. I told GOD that I wanted to write
you a letter and tell you good-bye and everything, but
I knew that wasn't allowed.

God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to
write you this letter with. I think Gabriel is the
name of the angel that is going to drop this 
letter off to you.

God said for me to give you the answer to one of the
questions you asked Him about. Where was He when I
needed him? God said, "The same place He was when
Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He
always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way Mom, nobody else can see what is
written on this paper but you. To everyone else, it
looks like a blank piece of paper.

I have to give God His pen back now, he has some more
names to write in the Book Of Life.

Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for
supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

I almost forgot to let you know - Now I don't hurt
anymore, the cancer is all gone. I'm glad because
I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't
stand to see me suffer the pain either, so He sent The
Angel of Mercy to get me. The Angel said I was Special
Delivery!

Signed with love from: God & Jesus & Me.

Bonnie,

It is 3am and I can't sleep. I've been looking at Ailie's page for a few days trying to think of things to say and write about. But all I seem to do is cry. I miss her so much. I remember the last time that we actually hung out, just the two of us, it was when I took that picture of her. It was January 13th or something, I brought her christmas present over those zebra slippers, and she wanted to go do something so we went driving around in my car, just doing the stuff that we loved to do, you know what I'm talking about (lol) anywho.. We went to Sally's and got hew "body" jewlery, and then we decided to go to the GreatWall for something to eat, well when we were done we got in my car to leave and low and behold the piece of
crap wouldnt start!! I think that she called you and told you that we were trying to get someone to give the car a jump start, but I had hot pink hair and everyone just kept driving by and staring!!! lol We went into the dollar store and looked around.

A few weeks later on February 2nd, I was at a KITTIE concert, I was there
helping the crew clean and prep for the concert so I was there all day, well I was bored at one point so I called Ailie on a friends cell phone, and Morgan the lead singer was like who's that I wanna talk to someone, and took the phone from me, she talked to Ailie for like 30 minutes. 

It's weird the things that you don't remember untill a smell or a sound or a sight of something triggers that memory.

"AILIE"

You truly were an angel
sent from God in heaven above.
Your shocking death just broke the hearts of everyone you loved. 
When I found out that you had died
I thought that they were wrong.
You were so alive - and then
just like that, you were gone.
A flame blown out in seconds,
Confirming our worst fears -
A light that shines no more on earth
for which we shed many tears.
But still you are my beacon
And I need you right now.
You hear all the prayers I say
Because they are answered somehow.
I wish that you could be here,
But in a way you are.
Your symbol of a smile goes everywhere with me,
so I know you can't be far.
It still is quite a shock to me
that you had to die;
But no one will forget you
And I love you, and goodbye. 

Bonnie, here is a poem for you, I hope that you like it!!! Im sorry that I dont come over and call as much, I promise that I will try and see you soon!!! I love you
BON!!!!!

Your friend always,

Mallisa ( BUCKIE)

Bonnie,

Well I don’t even know where to begin. Ailie was a good friend and always there when I needed her. The other day I found myself thinking about a few certain situations. One day I decided I wasn’t gonna go to school for some stupid  reason, well I just got out of the shower and there was a knock at my front door. Ailie was yelling let me in please. I answered the door and Ailie and about 4 of her friends came rushing in all covered in mud. I asked her what was going on she said we left the high school and wer'e being followed. We ran thru the woods and we wound up here. I told her fine she could stay. She made herself at home did everyones clothes and ate and all that. Well about 2 hours later someone knocked on my door so everyone was hiding. Ailie hid behind the washer thinking it was a good idea and after they left I heard Ailie saying "help me I'm stuck !!

I laughed my ass off that day. Then I got to thinking about the day before God took her away. I was living at my apartment. Im sitting out in Arizona now. I talk to her alot cause I myself am at a stage of confusion. Not knowing what direction I have in life. I know that she is above listening to me. She knows what's I've been through. She knows how I feel. Every once and a while I hear a slight faint voice ... it sometimes sounds like hers. And I find myself crying every now and than. I also believe that Ailie is looking out for us all, making sure we are all doing okay.

Bonnie you were there when I needed a laugh or hope after she went above. I know that she lives in your heart. I can only imagine the pain you felt that day. But you knew it would be okay. You have alot of strength and I know where she got that. She always knew you loved her and that you were more than a mom to her, you were also a friend. There is so much to say about her something's I can't even put into words. I miss Ailie very much and someday I will feel her soft sweet touch. Until then I'll miss her. And when the day comes that its my day to go,' I hope she's there to meet me at the crossroads to tell me its okay and that its supposed to be this way. I always know that I have a friend no matter how far away she is she's always in my heart and that way I know we wont ever be apart.

Well , thank you bonnie for your time. I will email you again real soon. Thanks for everything the key chains and all and the pictures. They mean alot to me.

Thanks

Denise